Without your knowing

I bought your pain
long before you did,
my tears carved a path from my heart,
dry like sea salt.

Like a dove striving for a single grain of wheat, I wove you into my being.

Without your knowing

How could I pour out every piece of me, already yours,
while words and my mind were at zero

Without your knowing

Between a touch and a glance, with the fear of claiming you, an innocent kiss trembles on my lips,

lying lazily in life mixed with a naive longing, stretched out upon the clouds of my mind that smell of you.

Without your knowing

Was it really this hard to reach just a touch, in the slight breeze of my little finger

Look, I painted you on the walls again,
I poured my words into verses; novels, stories, and poems knelt before you in every language.

Without your knowing

You always saw me,
I always looked at you,
You only heard my voice,
I always listened to you,
My hands, my heart, always left outside in the winter frost of your absence.

My head spun from you, I was tossed into the wild green, against those lonely walls where no one passes, and I woke up to you once again with the winter sun of dawn.

Without your knowing

Whatever exists, I found you in everything that is and isn’t; I added their scents, colors, and sounds one by one.

Without your knowing

To flow heedlessly from the world right into your gaze and your skin, to feel you in me and me in you, becoming one simply in feeling, without naming it.

Without your knowing

As if we had met from the bottomless past of a dark star, galloping into its unknown, the only thing I knew was you.

I searched for your gaze in streets that defy description, I caught your breath in the footprints I saw, and I kissed them, kissed them over and over.

Without your knowing

I forgot my lonely cheek in the warmth of your palms, my soul’s willing fall into your sweet darkness, I wanted to erase whatever makes you sad.

Without your knowing

Like a elfish child, I rang every doorbell of unlocked doors, 

I asked the pessimist, suffering, homeless ones for the definition of love.

My emotions were utterly lost at wrong addresses, doors and windows had long since fallen to ruin before I even reached you.

Without your knowing

Yet the whole universe had long gone into mourning, while my supplications had somehow mingled with the clouds, weeping all along.

Without my knowing

written by Aşur Horoz