Category: Uncategorized

The moment I woke up, I saw her in front of me. Her hands were covered in blood. I tried to figure out if I was in a dream. Everything felt far too real. The emptiness in her eyes, frozen with fear, unsettled me. I didn’t want to say anything. I just looked into her eyes. I didn’t question it. I wanted to brush it off like something ordinary, like an everyday occurrence.

Knowing kills many things… a love, or more often, a curiosity. I started to feel guilty, like a murder suspect. It’s not pain that frightens people most—it’s guilt. I wanted to stay in bed and somehow get through this, in case it really was a dream.

My own reflection had disappeared into the void of her gaze. I’ve always been afraid of the depth in her eyes. I wondered if she noticed me. It was as if time had stopped across the universe, and all focus had gathered in this single moment. Despite all my trembling, I decided to get up.

I approached her, meaning to ask what had happened. She flinched as if she had just noticed me. Our eyes met again. She said something, but I couldn’t understand. She was whispering. I touched her shoulder. I wanted to know what she was saying. In the rising tone of her whispers, there was only one sentence: I hate you…

They grip my hands tightly. I have only a few minutes left to think. I’m so cold, drenched in my own blood. I notice a hardened piece of blood on my eyelashes. I despise the foolishness born from believing my own lies.

I feel regret for all that I’ve done. I embrace the faces around me, staring in disgust. Is this what I deserved? I began deceiving myself a long time ago. I believed they deserved me. After everything that happened, I convinced myself they could love me. From a distance, I seemed a normal person.

But I never wanted to be that. I didn’t want to be anyone, nor be forced to do anything. I made offers. I was rejected countless times—or perhaps I never truly offered anything. They think I’m mad. Or am I really? All I feel now is the pain in my wrists.

Nobody ever understood me. Perhaps they will, with time. I shouldn’t have played the humble victim bowed before the governor. Now I walk silently towards death. Perhaps this time, God will truly stand by my side. Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.

I thirst. Perhaps this is finally the end of lies. I open my hands. This might be my only chance to pray. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Being nailed to a few pieces of wood shouldn’t have been this painful. I wanted to ascend into heaven. I just… didn’t want to die because of my lies.

I am running, running without even looking back. Running as if someone were chasing me, running as if my fingertips could graze the edge of freedom, running as if pain could never catch up to me, running for a flicker of hope, for the fire of determination. Running as the trees I leave behind fade into shadows, my world growing lonelier—yet I do not falter. Running as distant faces blur into nothingness, their outlines dissolving with each step—yet I do not stop. Running because I am fleeing the inferno of sameness, running because I am chasing the illusion of paradise, running because with every step, I become someone new.

I am crying, crying for the ground beneath my feet as I run. Crying for the fragments of myself lost in passing images, crying for the memories that once held happiness, now fading into the void. Crying for a world where I grow more meaningless with every step. Crying for the trees I left behind, their roots thirsty for the care I never gave. Crying for the words I spoke, now trembling under the weight of doubt. Crying for the books I read but never truly understood. But most of all, crying for the pages I abandoned in pursuit of something greater. Crying because I know that some things will never change.

I am thirsty, thirsty until my whole body trembles with the ache of longing. Thirsty because I could not defy the choices made beyond my will, thirsty because I stood unmoved before the vastness of oceans. Thirsty because I could never quench the dryness that once consumed my mind. Thirsty because though I would have set worlds ablaze for a single drop, I refused the water offered to me. Thirsty because I was once among them, running because I was once been among them, crying because I was once been among them. Accepting because I am one of them…