But He Could Not Be

He was among humanity, yet he did not feel that he belonged to them. There were countless minds around him, but he saw only what was inside his own head. Their traces were everywhere, yet he did not look; he walked but did not see; he listened but did not understand; he thought but did not know what he was thinking; he slept… yet in reality, he was quite awake.

He thought that life was as he had seen it in books, and he looked at the beautiful scene before him as if he were gazing at a postcard—wondering why, when he could live life, he had chosen not to. He loved to ask questions for which he would never find answers; the belated awareness that is humanity’s fundamental problem also weighed heavily upon him. He despised being aware, and he longed to savor every moment in which he was not.

He wanted to be as successful as an insect, but he could not be. He wanted to be as free as a bird, but he could not be. He wanted to be as peaceful as a fish, but he could not be. Yet above all, he wanted to be one of them—but he could not be…